Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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