I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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