You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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