I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
