Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
