dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
