a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I love having hate sex.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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