Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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