apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize