look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
send nudes
from the living room?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
