the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
