I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
