There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
