I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
