he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
