in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
