I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
