I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
