you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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