What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
pop tarts are not kleenex
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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