I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
