Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
