You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
