so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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