Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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