Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
