Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
