I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
