I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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