You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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