her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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