What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
