So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
