I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Im part way to drunk.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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