Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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