I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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