this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
