Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
