is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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