I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
