Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
