Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Houston, we have a squirter
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
