I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
