Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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