It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
