This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
