Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
