please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
