i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
