hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Too much gin, very little bucket
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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