what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i think i have two assholes
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
