He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
