every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
