I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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