My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
