I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
