oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
