nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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