I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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