This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
