He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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