i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
