Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
