He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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