It's Friday. Sex?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
