my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
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Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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