I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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