I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
