After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
