Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
