If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
