Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
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