i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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