fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
