I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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