his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
