btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
