I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
