dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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