I look better un-naked...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
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I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
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And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
you never un-have a 4some
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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