i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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