Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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