Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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