Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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