Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
