i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
cat food counts as protein by the way
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
