I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
