Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
