Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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