watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
