your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She's the barista slut.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
